blue blood

I'm sitting in the car watching a sea of break lights smudged by rain which has slowed considerably and is now falling in a gentle drizzle on everyone and everything that's on this street. I look out the window and all of a sudden I have a vested interest in the lives of everyone around me. I'm curious about these strangers I will never come to know. Two people sit in a blue car adjacent to mine. Are they lovers? Better yet, are they friends? What are they thinking? Are these people happy? Are they even wondering if they're happy? Thoughts culminate and I really like where I am although the lights turn green far too soon. Fascination ends. I watch as they pull away as we gradually slip out of each other's lives forever.

-

"Just cause some cute girl likes the same bizarro crap you do that doesn't make her your soulmate." She laughs really loud when Tom's sister tells him this. We're watching the movie together because I tell her that it's good, that it's really popular with my generation and that everyone has seen it so she gives it a try. As the credits roll she allows herself a half smile which is probably meant to be wistful but can't help turn out sad. Like she's thinking: All the magic in the world has a sell-by date but she doesn't want to say it. Instead she says: I like the ending, it's very (she pauses for awhile, She's Got You High by Mumm-Ra is playing over the credits) hopeful. She gets up to wash her empty coffee cup and leaves me sitting on the couch wondering if I've made her a little sad. Love. Chances. Hope. Wonder. Dreams. Maybe all that is meant for when you're young.

-

Why does my room smell like mint? Because I'm using a mint scented liquid air freshener.

-

While inhaling mintyness I'm listening to:

Night Fighter - Raised By Swans

New Dawn Fades - Joy Division

A Waltz For A Night - Julie Delpy

Blue Blood - Foals

transatlantic letter

paris by brianwferry.

-

In between the little assurances we allow ourselves and the doubts we never explore. In between what's been said before and what we may never be ready to say. In between everything we've done and everything we one day hope to do. In between growing up and growing old. In between talking, find silence. In between silence, find comfort.

-

Why does my room smell like oranges? Because I'm using a citrus scented liquid air freshener.

Why should you be happy? Because being sad is too easy.

Lonely Russian Six Degrees Fun Fact: The Trans-Siberian Railway crosses 10 time zones and passes 87 cities and towns along the way.

Mine

I've been writing a lot lately. I think it's because I've forgotten how to talk. I'm out with so many people so often but being involved with their conversations just takes too much effort. Words that need to be pronounced. Sentences that require careful construction so as not to make a fool of yourself. To further enforce the fact that - I am here, I am relevant. But I no longer feel here anymore. The here being where I was last night. The physical sits in a chair and tries its best to play a role, but it has forgotten all its lines. The I is somewhere else, a million miles away from the endless chatter and occasional laughter that permeates the night air. After awhile they ask questions like: "What's wrong?" and "What's gotten into you?" Questions I find ignorant and careless coming from people who assume they have an understanding of who you are. They are bewildered by this impostor in their midst, who has inhabited my body but is not acting like the me that they have come to categorise, label and accept. The impostor stares back through vapid eyes and again struggles with its diction - excuses are croaked out, even apologies are made which fills it with a resentment directed both inward and outward. After what seems like a long while the I starts to return to the physical - the fact of being here and being now. It feels itself breathing and it feels its toes stretch out. It starts to smile and will even try to lengthen its replies upon being asked a question. They see this of course and welcome back the friend they all know so well. It starts talking even though it has nothing to say. The words will come they always do. Even if they're not the right ones. We somehow always make do.

-

Today's set meal comes with free dessert! Choose from either:

The Blues Are Sill Blue - Belle&Sebastian

or

Blue Skies - Noah And The Whale

Somewhere

Surreal like

The wind on your face

Windows down

Eyes glaze over

Lights strung out

And count them

Like each one mattered

Now you're back

On a bed too big

Stare up at the ceiling

And down the same time

Into yourself

Close your eyes

Gather everything you want

To remember

Try to dance

Try to surrender

You're not here anymore

Lost to waves and waves of dreaming.

-

Space Pilot Fun Fact: There are more stars than all of the grains of sand on Earth.

on the road

When I said "I can see me in your eyes" you said, "I can see you in my bed." That's not friendship there's romance too, you like music we can dance to.

I'll Try Anything Once - The Strokes

I would like to live a full and happy life.